Healing...

I have seen two of my close friends buried in my lifetime so far, Stephanie and Brandi. One was difficult enough and with the recent passing of Brandi,my heart broke again.

When Stephanie passed, I was extremely devasted. A week before she passed, she had called me and said "When I get out of the hospital, we are going clubbing." Those are the last words that she spoke to me and I will never forget it. I was angry at God for taking her. I was angry that He would inflict so much pain on her family and friends. I had at one point in my life lost faith in Him and was so cynical about life..

Senior year in highschool was rough without her, but I had Kristen and Amy. I dont know if they realize it, but they helped me a lot through highschool and there is nothing I can do to repay them. Even now, we all still keep in contact with each other and I know we will be lifelong friends.

When Brandi passed, I didnt think I could feel as much pain as I did when Stephanie passed, but I did. I have known Brandi since jr. high and I instantly got along with her. I loved her sense of humor, her personality, and although she was little, she was a ball of fire! I would never mess with Brandi! After highschool, the last time I saw her was her wedding...and as we both lived our lives, we lost contact. Then last year I ran into her and although we talked briefly, I loved seeing her and it made my day. Then about four or five months ago, she found me on facebook. We started chit chatting here and there and like Brandi...she was happy that Sandy and I were FINALLY married and was going to have a little talk with him if we weren't ! :) The last thing she told me before she passed was " those glasses cover your cute face, I think you should go for a cat eye shape (referring to glasses that I was going to purchase.)

With Brandi's passing, I wasnt angry at God. I actually thanked Him for allowing me to be such good friends with such an amazing person. I thanked Him for having her in my life and that she has taught me so many things that I take for granted.Yes, I was extremely devasted and shocked in hearing her passing and I havent been myself this past week...but after hearing all the beautiful stories about her and to hear her sing...I knew she was in a better place. I knew that He had better plans for her and that He will take care of her.

God also brought our friends back together. Lona, Penny, Natalie, Cynthia, Holly, Desiree,Rachel, Jaclyn. Although it is sad that it took something like this for us to get together again...it was about time. I loved that we were all there for each other and I felt like we had all just seen each other yesterday ( although it has been almost 10 years since I had seen all of them, except for Jaclyn)I appreciate and love these ladies more than I thought I could....They will always be in my heart and like Kristen and Amy...they are helping me heal...

Its amazing what friendships can do to a person and you dont realize it. I know I dont say this or express this enough, but I love all of my friends, whether we still keep in contact or not. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for always lending an ear so I can vent, and thank you for helping me heal.....


To Stephanie and Brandi: You two will live forever in our hearts. Thank you for helping me a grow and be the person I am today.